Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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