just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
