What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
