My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
