I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
