respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
