I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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