Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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