She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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