My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you never un-have a 4some
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
