So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
