so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
