Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
