you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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