just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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