Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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