You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
