So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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