so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
