you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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