I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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