He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
