btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
