i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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