His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
