It's Friday. Sex?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
