Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
