FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
