I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize