we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
