My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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