I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
