So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
