just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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