You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
