Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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