I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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