he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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