$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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