I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
