did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well you can't waste a boner
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
