I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
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What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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