Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
