Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
PANTIES FOUND
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
