three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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