he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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