Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
