I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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