do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
