Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
