I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
