Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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