as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
