omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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