Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
