Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
