if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
