Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
