Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
