Define "chronic" masturbator.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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