I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
