i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
