those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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