Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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