If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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