I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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