I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
