Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
