I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
