Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Damn victory sex feels great
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
