The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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