i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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