If i come over, it means nothing
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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