Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
where am i from again
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
